Repetition is a reliable form of change

Repetition. I got this theme from working with Anna Jackson and Fisher Qua. It was one of two they offered for teaching people about Liberating Structures in an immersion workshop we led together. And it instantly spoke to me when they shared it.

Impatience helps us forget

Repetition is essential for learning. But so often we get impatient. I get impatient.

We need reminders.

Repetition is a reliable form of change

Anna Jackson and Fisher Qua

Have you heard any of the following? Maybe you’ve repeated them yourself…

  • As per my previous email…
  • I already answered that question… 
  • If you don’t remember, I’m not going to tell you…

Forgetting, and remembering to repeat

One of my relatives is experiencing increasing memory loss, and I’ve been practising patience and kindness in our interactions.

It’s surreal for me to be asked a question, answer it, and then immediately be asked the question again. But there’s nothing to do but answer the question again, as if for the first time. That’s the only kind option. I feel thankful that I’m mostly able to do that.

I think there’s an important lesson for me in how I treat myself. I forget things too. Things I think I ‘ought’ to remember. Everyone does. I can be impatient with myself and cruel, or I can be kind. I choose kindness.

On kindness and boundaries

Speaking of teachings and kindness, I’m grateful to Lama Rod Owens for his teachings about compassion. I was on retreat with him, at the weekend, relating to compassion.

You don’t have to have compassion for the person who is hurting you.

Lama Rod Owens, paraphrased from my imperfect memory

This reminds me of something Lama Rod has said on other occasions too.

I can love you from the other side of the room.

Lama Rod Owens

This is so helpful for me in thinking about being poorly treated, and extricating myself from that situation with some clumsiness: It’s hard to be graceful in the face of gaslighting.

Reminding myself to treat myself with kindness; and, too, not to concern myself about the person hurting me.